Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Let the Smearing Begin!

The Demobratz have begun to frame their arguments in opposition to General Petraeus' upcoming report on the progress of "the surge" in Iraq:

Senator Harry Reid (D - Panderland) commented on General Petraeus' upcoming presentation to the Senate today, saying, "While I support the troops, General Petraeus is a baby-killing liar who is nothing more than a minor demon in the Satanic Bush regime. I hope that we can have a civil conversation in the interest of civility and bipartisanship."

Later in the day, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi weighed in on the upcoming briefing by the General:

"David Petraeus is a man and, as such, can't be trusted to speak the truth about his vicious, illegal warmongering on behalf of the Nazis in the Bush Administration.

Granted, I'm more of a man than any of the "men" in my party. Come to think of it, so is our current frontrunner in the Presidential campaign. But you can trust what we say because we have different genitalia than the General does."

Hillary Clinton also gave her take on the situation, saying:

"I've always said that we can, and should, do whatever it takes to win in Iraq. I've never doubted for a moment that the Iraq war was a good thing. And I was the first to vote for the surge. There are records of that vote, although my incompetent staff seems to have misplaced them at the moment.

Umm...has anyone seen Bill? Goddamn him! Somebody check the coat closet!"

In a stump speech in New Hampshire John Edwards was quoted as saying:

"Do I look alright? How's my hair?"

Barack Obama had this to say about the present situation in Iraq:

"We should invade Britain, show them pictures of our nuclear bombs, promise that we'll never use them on anyone and then sit down with Bin Laden and Zawahiri and tell them that we're sorry for whatever it is that we did to piss them off.

If that doesn't work, I'll have my beautiful wife, Michelle, give them a verbal lashing."

We attempted to contact Al Gore for a comment, but an aide said that he was taking confession from carbon-sinners at that time and couldn't be interrupted.

Dennis Kucinich was overheard during an appearance at a Star Trek convention saying, "Gandalf? When might I return to the Shire?"

The Demobratz are ready. I don't think that the format has been finalized yet, but I pray to God that the Bush administration has the intelligence to insist that Petraeus' testimony is televised. Nothing could be better than watching the man answer these grandstanding fools who will be questioning him.

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